September 24th, 2010

"Excuse me. I'm going to do some flogging, and I don't want to accidentally hurt you..."

~Friday~  I wanted to catch the Wolfline bus in this morning in order to check out the parking situation on Gorman Street up by Avent Ferry now that the resurfacing project seems to be finished. Though there aren't any "No Parking" signs in the area where you used to be able to street park all day, it's not clear if it's okay to park there again, as they've also painted in a bicycle lane in that area.

I parked at the Food Lion Park & Ride, which is always the best choice if there are spots available, as you can catch either the #1 Avent Ferry bus or the #9 Greek Village bus there. And one from each route pulled up just as I was parking. Bonus.

I chose the #1 Avent Ferry bus, as it was in front, and presumably leaving first. There were eight of us on board to start—4 Asians, 1 African-American, and three Caucasians. One of us whities used a walker, and about the whole diverse crowd, I thought, "How Glee."

Two Asian guys sat across from me and they were looking at each other's assignments, and from the looks of the sheet that one of them bent forward at one point, it had a lot of complex math on it, and so I guessed they were trying to figure out how to solve some problem. "I looked it up online," one of them said, and I mentally added, "So it must be true."

A tall, handsome student sitting to my left had in earbuds, and I could see on his MP3 player or smartphone screen that he was playing Scrabble.

Today's earworm for me was the line from Please Don't Stop the Music, "I must say your aura is incredible..."

A writing affirmation from a friend. Thanks, Adrienne!

Adrienne Brown Long John, from time to time I read your blog because you are a very informative, descriptive and humorous writer... I'll have to say that when you exited the bus I got off with you. I wanted to stay on and hear more details about the cheap rider and the scraggly dude in the baseball cap! :) Share more details if you can (big grin on my face!). I also loved the Tupperware party story... so funny.

I forced myself to get to the gym today, and once there I did a 40-minute cardio workout on the elliptical machine, burning off 758 calories.

On the way home, I stopped at Ba-Da Wings for the first time ever, and used my $20 Groupon choosing their 16 wings for $19.95. I got four of each of four of the plethora of cooking styles to choose from: 4 "Ba-Da Bang" (Buffalo style, original smooth hot), 4 Sweet Thai Chili (Sweet and sour with a kick), 4 Original Ranch, and 4 Wild Asian Teriyaki (Hot and kick'n).

They turned out to be boneless wings, which essentially meant they were chicken strips, which made me feel a little better about their price. With that said, I would never pay $19.95 for them. They were definitely worth it with the Groupon, though, as I only paid $10 for the $20 Groupon.

I finally dragged my ass to The Borough, arriving at about 10:30. I said hello to Haywood(a.k.a. Gene) who was sitting at the bar, and I took a seat by myself on the end. As soon as I sat down, my phone rang, and it was Phil calling me from the other side of the room.

I walked over to him and Joe, and as they were cashing out, I held off getting a $5.50 drink, opting instead for a $3.75 one at Flex imminently.

It was $5.00 for members—$7 for non—to get in Flex tonight. It's usually $2 or $3 for members, but it's Pride weekend here in NC, so everything's jacked up accordingly. This is what was going on there tonight:

I just can't even describe how lame this was. [But you know he's going to anyway.] The first act was with the girl that's in the ad above, and she took a whip that looked like this:

and she flogged this short little girl, who looked no more than 16, although I'm sure she was "of age," and making her look like a little girl was part of the fetish. Bottom line was that this was not erotic in any way. Well at least not to me. I am gay, after all. And we were in a gay bar, after all.

There was something like a 20-minute break before the next "act" went on, and as soon as I saw "the players" come out, I had to leave the area of the bar to get out of view of it. It was that super inane "Sir Gay-Gay" who sometimes performs on Trailer Park Prize Night, and he presumably did some kind of "fetish burlesque" act with that kid Alex who now works there, and is a total twink. Both of those guys think they are so much more than they are, and I can't stand to watch either one of them.

I met Dean and his partner Scott, who were up from Greenville, SC to run a booth of theirs at the vending area at Pride tomorrow. They had a business partner with them named Terry, but by the time I'd met them, he'd already left. They said he didn't want to risk what might be next after seeing that first act. Smart man. This was their first time ever, and I implored them not to let this first impression of Flex scare them away forever.

I was leaning against the pool table, and they were both to my right, leaning there, too. To my left was a huge X to which you could presumably tie someone's hands and feet, and that tall girl that was in the first act walked up in front of me, and said something I never thought I'd hear in my lifetime, and don't expect to ever again, really.

With the whip in her right hand hitting the palm of her left hand with it a few times, and standing next to a presumably straight, skinny, skinny white boy who had removed his shirt to expose the whitest of skin and stepped up to the X with his back to her, with a nod in his direction she said to me, "Excuse me. I'd like to do some flogging, and I don't want to accidentally hurt you."

Good lord. And then she proceeded to do this sort of dance—that is, if you can call long-legs-taking-high-steps-into-the-air-and-generally-looking-like-some-kind-of-impaired-praying-mantis, a dance—while intermittently flogging the boy's bare back.

Calgon, take me away.