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October 10th, 2009

~Saturday~  We had planned to eat breakfast at The Maltby Cafe this morning, but had a change of plans rescheduling it for Tuesday morning. Kevin and I ate at Julia's on Broadway instead. I had their Spicy Baja Omelet, and it was pretty damn good. Due to a calculation error, our waitress got about a 38% tip. Oh well. Hopefully we made her day.

Two things that I want to do while I'm here include seeing the public library downtown and seeing a historical cemetery, one of which we were going to do after breakfast. However, I really felt like just chilling out, so we hung out at Kevin's place until he left between 1:30 and 2:00 to referee a soccer 90-minute game.

I took my laptop downstairs to Vivace's, the coffee shop just under Kevin's condos, where I worked on Friday's blog entry, and enjoyed an Americano Espresso and a raisin and oatmeal cookie the size of my head.



Later, when Kevin returned, we walked over to The Cuff, where they were having line-dance lessons from 4:00-6:00. However, there was a sign in the middle of the stairway that led down to the dance floor area that said, "Authorized Personnel Only," and the door down at the bottom of the door had a sign on it that said, "Closed."

We asked the bartender if the lessons were going on and he said, "Yes, right down there," pointing us to the off-limits-looking area. Turns out the authorized only sign was referring to an office or something to the right of it, and the closed sign evidently just meant that the door was, well, closed. Which really was pretty obvious without documenting it on the door. I'm just saying...

After all that, we entered to find four people on the dance floor taking lessons with the instructor, who was also running back and forth acting as the DJ. I was really hoping there would be some open dancing after the lesson, but there were so few people there that I just said, "Let's go have a drink instead."

We walked over to another neighborhood bar called, "Madison Pub," where I had a killer (read: strong) bourbon and diet, and Kevin had a beer. I'm still trying to get past the fact that "cocktails" is spelled wrong TWICE on that homepage. But I digress...

From there, we walked over, picked up Ricardo, and the three of us walked over to The Broadway Grill for dinner. I had a most delicious Butternut Squash Ravioli.



The highlight of the day was attending Hump 5!, Seattle's 5th annual amateur porn festival. We met Ricardo's (and now Kevin's) friends Jason and Pablo there, and as we waited to get in, we heard the severe warning that if anyone was caught with a cell phone out and turned on, it would be confiscated. Period. No questions asked. Their property. They are committed to keeping the films in the festival from "leaking" to the public and take that commitment very seriously.

So, the deal with Hump is that out of all that have been submitted 23 films of 3-5 minutes have been selected for screening. The audience votes on the best one in two different categories—sexiest and funniest. This event was very, very interesting. What I particularly liked about it was that there was such a diverse audience. Some films had straight sex in them and some had gay sex in them. And none of the straight people gasped about the gay sex. And none of the gay people gasped about the hetero sex. We all just got along.

One other thing, which just excited me to death, was that the emcee of the event was Dan Savage. I had no idea he lived in Seattle (though I should have by various and sundry podcasts I've heard by him), but I love him. He made a comment in The Stranger about each of the films, which I've included behind the cut. There are no pornographic pictures under the cut, so it's safe for work from that perspective. With that said, it is a list of films shown at a porn festival!

Click to read about the Hump5! Porn Festival EntriesCollapse )

The three dancers featured in the first film, Dance Belt, two women and one man, danced naked of course, to All the Single Ladies. Very entertaining. The girls, "down there," reminded me of that NSFW Wikipedia entry on bikini waxing.

Ironically two of the films I found the most erotic were hetero-erotic: Citizen Came and Trolly Tryst. With that said, however, it was not the kind of venue that was conducive to a blood rush to your head, if you know what I mean. The lead guy in Citizen Came had such a beautiful "personality" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Let's just say that if he were in a club, he might easily have won the "Best Member" award.

The two funniest films to me were the How to Please Your Man one (the girl giving a BJ on the Larry King Live show), and Beyond Gay (the one about the "hard-up lesbian and the frustrated gay man"). Unique to Beyond Gay was that it actually didn't show any nudity at all. Most of the "action" took place under the covers in a bed, but it was just hysterical to me.



We had parked way up on Queen Anne hill, and Ricardo directed us up just a little further after the festival, where we pulled up on to an absolutely breathtaking view of Seattle at night. We hope to return there to take pictures another evening before I leave.

After that we stopped at Dilettante, a chocolate bar on Broadway, where we each had a cup of hot chocolate. I had white hot chocolate, and it was delicious.

We ordered it to go, and the young lady taking our order (and working the cash register) had this kind of collar to her black outfit, and I leaned over to Kevin and Ricardo and said, "I'm thinking about everybody in terms of starring in amateur porn now, and she looks like she could star in one as a dominatrix."

Not two minutes later, she came over to us to apologize for how long it was taking by saying, "It should be up soon, guys. I'm trying to whip them into shape back there." Too funny.



Kevin and Ricardo dropped me off at The Cuff and they called it a night. I stayed for about an hour-and-a-half and just people-watched.

On the way home, a girl stopped me to tell me that she was trying to kill some time while working off her buzz before driving back to Tacoma, and wanted to know if there were any clubs close by. I was a little nonplussed about the notion of wearing off one's buzz at a bar, but I just went with it.

Assuming she was straight, I explained to her that I'd been to a gay bar, but that there were a bunch of straight women in it. Before deciding to go with that recommendation, she asked me about where something else was and I said, "Actually I'm visiting here from North Carolina and I've told you pretty much all I know."



A full, second day in Seattle. Life is good.

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