September 11th, 2008

Unofficial last work day, The Island (a play), well-wishing affirmations, China visa arrives!

Today was going to be my last day at the office, with my official quit date being tomorrow. However, when it was all said and done, I didn't get done what I wanted done, so I talked to Woody about "checking out" tomorrow at about 1:30.

Robert and I saw The Island, staged by The Little Green Pig Theatrical Concern, at Manbites Dog Theater. OMG. What great theater! And these three reviews attest to that: (1) Subject to a Higher Law: Little Green Pig Theatrical Concern Puts Us on The Island, (2) Effects, actors' depth make a fantastic 'Island' go deep, and (3) A stirring take on Athol Fugard; a lively cover of Eric Bogosian .

Only two days left! You can see it Friday night or Saturday night—tickets here.

Oh yeah. How could I forget? @abbyladybug and @kitch were there, too! Woohoo!

You know how much I love Prudie!

Dear Prudence,

A few years ago my late husband and I made a video of ourselves. It features me performing oral sex on him. It isn't particularly hard-core, we are in shadow, and there is no "money shot," but it is obvious what is going on and who is involved. We had a wonderful marriage, and I enjoy watching this video and reminiscing every once in a while.

My question is, how can I prevent my children from looking at it after I die? I don't want to destroy it, but I may not know when the end is coming. I can't think of any way of labeling it, or even telling them what is on it and asking them not to peek, that would keep them from watching it just out of curiosity. If they did watch it, would it harm them or make them think less of their parents?

Keep It Private
Dear Private,

You do not have to deep-six your Deep Throat video, and it's a tribute to the erotic robustness of your marriage that you have this memento and that it brings you pleasure.

You're right, we don't necessarily know when the end is coming, but often we get a warning, and if you do, you should dispose of the video then. But otherwise, keep it in an envelope labeled "Private" that you store with other personal effects. You can put a letter around the video addressed to your children and tell them you don't mean to sound tantalizing, but the video was just for you and your late husband, and if they are reading this letter, it means you weren't able to destroy it before your death. Write that out of respect for their parents, you ask that they toss the video without watching it. After that, if they can't resist this forbidden fruit, at least they've been warned of the knowledge that will come from partaking. If they look, your children will surely wish they had heeded that little voice that said, "You're about to pop a 'Mom and Dad Sex Video' into the VCR," but they will also never forget that their parents were really wild for each other.


Thanks to a friend for alerting me to this story: Couple tie the knot at funeral home—Rachael Storm, the bride, said the location did "not creep me out at all."

So I've gotten my new work's e-mail account activated, and a first check of my e-mail reveals these subject lines in the Spam folder:

  1. Get a 12 inch pole, here's how

  2. Lengthen your package easily, no side effects

  3. Boost your "ego" with our herbal solution

  4. re: Proven enlargement secret

  5. Amaze your girlfriends with a huge package

Of the other three items in the folder, one was about "a doctor's recommended solution for most intimate male problems," and the other two were for cheap Viagra and Cialis websites.

You talk to your new employees like that in their first e-mails? Nice!

The latest on the delegation for my trip to China: The "massage mutiny" is still "afoot," with another person checking in:

"And although I deeply appreciate the efforts that go into this planning, will you hold it against me if I opt out on the foot massage thing, too?"

More affirmations on my Beehive Hive5 entry, "Five Reasons Why I'm Resigning from IBM," which has now been viewed 556 times and has moved into the top 8 of the most read Hive5s of all time.

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Oh my goodness another one of these is going to be in order:

Here are a bunch of regular e-mail wishes I received; that is, these have nothing to do with my Hive5, they're just from people I've worked with or interacted with over the years.

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I stopped back at IBM after the play in Durham, and when I left right at midnight, I stopped by Flex's Trailer Park Prize Night. When I got home, which I had left at one in the afternoon, there on my doorstep, on the mat, leaning against the door, in the brightness of my front porch light, sat glistening a FedEx package with my visa-stamped passport on it!

Okay, I had to pay these people $22 to FedEx that thing back to me, and they can't even check the delivery option such that someone would have to sign to receive it? Who thinks it's a good idea to leave a valid passport out in someone's yard where it might not be seen for god knows how many hours? Ridiculous!