The calendar invitation read:
John Martin is retiring | Let's celebrate/commiserate
Reserving this time to celebrate John Martin's retirement. (His actual retirement date is also his birthday: October 13). Your ticket to entry is to write a related:
- Haiku: http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Haiku-Poem
- Limerick: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_%28poetry%29
- Poem (if the above styles are too limiting): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetry#Forms
Once at Busy Bee Cafe, after ordering several appetizers for the group, and after at least one round of liquid courage being served, these dear people took turns reading their creations for me, and tugging at my heartstrings.
The contents are herewith.
Arrie Brown ("RE")
John, you're my favorite ripe banana. (#TWSS) I <3 you!
One day John went for a walk
Intending to stroll 'round the block
As he neared the lake
he stopped to partake
In a man with a giant dock
As a man, John cared not for glitz,
preferring politeness and wits.
Be he can't deny
every time he comes by
he can't keep his eyes off my grits.
Now John is a man with great class
For that, we've assembled en masse
I've shared with him a cube
And not to sound like a boob...
But what I'll miss most is his ass.
You're one-of-a-kind and welcome back on Up Top! any time.
I once knew a man named John Martin
From the workforce, he'd soon be departin'
His teammates were pissed
Because his jokes would be missed
But they coped by drinking booze by the carton
That is not a sundial! I'll miss you a bunch. Don't be a stranger. <3
At first John’s vacation had style,
But a lewd dude was ready to defile.
He was on show and,
John said, ‘Oh hell no!’
‘Honey, that is NOT a sundial.’
"Life is one, grand sweet song, so start the music." - Ronald Reagan Enjoy the music, John. And have a happy retirement.
John Martin is leaving, and I’m nervous
His replacement could never deserve us!
For he’s changed us for better
And our [whispering] eyes, a little wetter;
We’ll miss your sundial-as-a-service.
I adore you. And I don't say that about just anyone. We are going to miss the fuck out of you—the glue that makes us stick. PLEASE still come visit. Don't go. Love you.
Summer we had found
A syntactical soulmate—
Yet now Falls away
Nay is it time to
retire old bones—but gain more
time to bury them
Some nudists should probably be nervous
Cause John-Martin is kind of perv-ish
He snapped and he posted
As tender parts roasted
Now that’s a sundial as a service!
A de-lic-ious Spammy gus-ta-tion
Was once stored in a fine fridge location
But our cleaning staff
Tossed it out with the chaff
And Bob gave you Tupper-probation
There once was a man from Virginia,
Who had a rare gift with a pen-ya
He does work in blue
But he’s technical too—
And a fine thing it’s been to befriend-ya!
John, you're not old enough to retire! You're the heart of the team and will be missed dearly. Enjoy your retirement and come back for happy hours! <3
The heart of the team
Who keeps the party alive
A rare gem, indeed
Bourbon in his desk
Nude stories, never a bore
A rare gem, indeed
I met John, he was in a funk
At The Borough, perhaps I was drunk
I told him to go
To Red Hat, fo sho
And now he's quit, the punk
No room to write everything. Beck of luck.
Fall River legend
Content wiz is now leaving
Pun king takes his throne
How dare you retire so young. And how dare Jared quote Reagan. Really won't miss HIM but you I will!
John Martin is a kind of rarity
Unparalleled in his vulgarity
He’s my favorite wit
for his fuck, cunt, and shit
And I will miss his hilarity
John Martin is great
Most things that he does are dope
Him leaving, I hate
Emily Stancil Martinez
John, I will miss our chats by the coffee pot. Have a wonderful retirement and don't be a stranger!
John my coffee mate
Nothing but the best for you
I will miss your smile
In the morning light
John is at the coffee pot
The day awaits him
At the coffee pot
He smiles affectionately
John you'll be missed much
At the coffee pot
His chats made the day brighter
I'll miss your sweet smile
I will be intentionally walking by Bob's house to see if you're on the porch! Congrats, and see you soon!
For years now John has been writing
Thick glasses to help typo sighting
As he now goes home
to leave his corporate throne
He fears retirement won't be as exciting
I will miss your smile and jokes. I feel grateful to have had the chance to work with you. Congrats!
He surprised many with the talents he brought,
Friendships made, words written; ultimately a new journey sought,
Who knew he was a comedic rapper,
A Scrabble expert and greeting card crafter,
Although we tried, his extended stay couldn't be bought.
Loved by many for his comedic relief,
Laughing and working by the Red Hat belief,
Rapping and writing the words of encouragement for you and the BU,
Sadly you are to retire, good grief.
Red Hat will be :-( without you! So glad we could meet, though. Congrats!
John's leaving is sad,
but his memory will stay.
Don't go too far, John.
Bob McVeigh (Who didn't read his aloud, but only because I didn't think he had one! Love that man!)
Frances, Vincent, me
Waiting for John to retire
Rock, read, rest... bourbon
Congrats & enjoy!
Congratulations & best of luck at your move on to the next chapter of your story. Even though you're leaving Red Hat, I have a feeling that our paths will continue to cross.
Other sentiments from the going away card:
Congrats! It was so nice getting to know you! Enjoy yourself!
You are wonderful and I am lucky to know you. <3XO
Congrats! Enjoy your retirement!
Jealous much—yes I am! I'll miss your laugh over the glass wall. Enjoy to the fullest.
What an evil plan! Don't do the usual thing and surprise yourself. Enjoy! We'll miss you.
You will be missed. Congrats! <3
You can't go! You stink. Please stay. Who will laugh at my bad jokes if you leave? You will be greatly missed.
Congrats on your retirement! We will miss you around here but I'm so happy for you!
Mary Catherine Cornick
Best of luck!
I'm jealous of your retirement, your calmness and will miss your sense of humor. Keep being awesome.
Best of luck with the bourbon drinking. I know you will excel!
Your happy face will be missed. Best of luck & relax!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks to everyone for your generous spirit and filling my heart to the brim. I'm sure that being retired is only going to be slightly better than working with all of you.