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~Friday~ Today after work, some of the wonderful Red Hat people I work with met at Busy Bee Cafe for a farewell celebration of my imminent retirement, on Monday, October 13.

The calendar invitation read:

John Martin is retiring | Let's celebrate/commiserate

Reserving this time to celebrate John Martin's retirement. (His actual retirement date is also his birthday: October 13). Your ticket to entry is to write a related:

Please forward to his friends or other Red Hatters in different departments (outside Marketing Communications) who work with John.

BusyBeeFarewell


Once at Busy Bee Cafe, after ordering several appetizers for the group, and after at least one round of liquid courage being served, these dear people took turns reading their creations for me, and tugging at my heartstrings.

The contents are herewith.



Arrie Brown ("RE")

John, you're my favorite ripe banana. (#TWSS) I <3 you!

Limericks

One day John went for a walk
Intending to stroll 'round the block
As he neared the lake
he stopped to partake
In a man with a giant dock

As a man, John cared not for glitz,
preferring politeness and wits.
Be he can't deny
every time he comes by
he can't keep his eyes off my grits.

Now John is a man with great class
For that, we've assembled en masse
I've shared with him a cube
And not to sound like a boob...
But what I'll miss most is his ass.




Matt Morain

You're one-of-a-kind and welcome back on Up Top! any time.

Limerick

I once knew a man named John Martin
From the workforce, he'd soon be departin'
His teammates were pissed
Because his jokes would be missed
But they coped by drinking booze by the carton




Ashleigh Brothers

That is not a sundial! I'll miss you a bunch. Don't be a stranger. <3

Limerick

At first John’s vacation had style,
But a lewd dude was ready to defile.
He was on show and,
John said, ‘Oh hell no!’
‘Honey, that is NOT a sundial.’




Jared Schwitzke

"Life is one, grand sweet song, so start the music." - Ronald Reagan Enjoy the music, John. And have a happy retirement.

Limerick

John Martin is leaving, and I’m nervous
His replacement could never deserve us!
For he’s changed us for better
And our [whispering] eyes, a little wetter;
We’ll miss your sundial-as-a-service.




Bascha Harris

I adore you. And I don't say that about just anyone. We are going to miss the fuck out of you—the glue that makes us stick. PLEASE still come visit. Don't go. Love you.

Haiku

Summer we had found
A syntactical soulmate—
Yet now Falls away

Nay is it time to
retire old bones—but gain more
time to bury them

Limericks

Some nudists should probably be nervous
Cause John-Martin is kind of perv-ish
He snapped and he posted
As tender parts roasted
Now that’s a sundial as a service!

A de-lic-ious Spammy gus-ta-tion
Was once stored in a fine fridge location
But our cleaning staff
Tossed it out with the chaff
And Bob gave you Tupper-probation

There once was a man from Virginia,
Who had a rare gift with a pen-ya
He does work in blue
But he’s technical too—
And a fine thing it’s been to befriend-ya!




Mallory Root

John, you're not old enough to retire! You're the heart of the team and will be missed dearly. Enjoy your retirement and come back for happy hours! <3

Haiku

The heart of the team
Who keeps the party alive
A rare gem, indeed

Bourbon in his desk
Nude stories, never a bore
A rare gem, indeed




Colby Hoke

Limerick

I met John, he was in a funk
At The Borough, perhaps I was drunk
I told him to go
To Red Hat, fo sho
And now he's quit, the punk




Nick Mann

No room to write everything. Beck of luck.

Haiku

Fall River legend
Content wiz is now leaving
Pun king takes his throne




Laura Walters

How dare you retire so young. And how dare Jared quote Reagan. Really won't miss HIM but you I will!

Limerick

John Martin is a kind of rarity
Unparalleled in his vulgarity
He’s my favorite wit
for his fuck, cunt, and shit
And I will miss his hilarity




Chris Morse

Fall River!

Haiku

John Martin is great
Most things that he does are dope
Him leaving, I hate




Emily Stancil Martinez

John, I will miss our chats by the coffee pot. Have a wonderful retirement and don't be a stranger!

Haiku

John my coffee mate
Nothing but the best for you
I will miss your smile

In the morning light
John is at the coffee pot
The day awaits him

At the coffee pot
He smiles affectionately
John you'll be missed much

At the coffee pot
His chats made the day brighter
I'll miss your sweet smile




Brandalyn Powell

I will be intentionally walking by Bob's house to see if you're on the porch! Congrats, and see you soon!

Limerick

For years now John has been writing
Thick glasses to help typo sighting
As he now goes home
to leave his corporate throne
He fears retirement won't be as exciting




Amy VanCooney

I will miss your smile and jokes. I feel grateful to have had the chance to work with you. Congrats!

Limericks

He surprised many with the talents he brought,
Friendships made, words written; ultimately a new journey sought,
Who knew he was a comedic rapper,
A Scrabble expert and greeting card crafter,
Although we tried, his extended stay couldn't be bought.

Loved by many for his comedic relief,
Laughing and working by the Red Hat belief,
Rapping and writing the words of encouragement for you and the BU,
Sadly you are to retire, good grief.




Rachel Cole

Red Hat will be :-( without you! So glad we could meet, though. Congrats!

Haiku

John's leaving is sad,
but his memory will stay.
Don't go too far, John.




Bob McVeigh (Who didn't read his aloud, but only because I didn't think he had one! Love that man!)

Haiku

Frances, Vincent, me
Waiting for John to retire
Rock, read, rest... bourbon




Megan Kennedy

Congrats & enjoy!

Haiku

I will miss talking | of inappropriate things | with you john martin




John Adams

Congratulations & best of luck at your move on to the next chapter of your story. Even though you're leaving Red Hat, I have a feeling that our paths will continue to cross.

Haiku

Move boldly forward | Like a noble stag bounding | off into the night


Other sentiments from the going away card:

Stephanie Whedbee
Congrats! It was so nice getting to know you! Enjoy yourself!

Laura Hamlyn
You are wonderful and I am lucky to know you. <3XO

Lindsey Parker
Congrats! Enjoy your retirement!

Beth Willison
Jealous much—yes I am! I'll miss your laugh over the glass wall. Enjoy to the fullest.

Maura McDonald
What an evil plan! Don't do the usual thing and surprise yourself. Enjoy! We'll miss you.

Chelsea Dvorak
You will be missed. Congrats! <3

Caitlin Goodwin
You can't go! You stink. Please stay. Who will laugh at my bad jokes if you leave? You will be greatly missed.

Jessica Duensing
Congrats on your retirement! We will miss you around here but I'm so happy for you!

Mary Catherine Cornick
Best of luck!

Wes Leonard
I'm jealous of your retirement, your calmness and will miss your sense of humor. Keep being awesome.

Kathryn Poole
Best of luck with the bourbon drinking. I know you will excel!

Anna Nathan
Your happy face will be missed. Best of luck & relax!

From the bottom of my heart, thanks to everyone for your generous spirit and filling my heart to the brim. I'm sure that being retired is only going to be slightly better than working with all of you.
 

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Oct. 13th, 2014 06:52 pm (UTC)
These were fantastic.
Now what's my Livejournal password? -- Charles
dailyafirmation
Oct. 13th, 2014 07:22 pm (UTC)
LOL, Charles!
So many passwords, so little time. Thanks for commenting!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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